Aftercare

Aftercare is a broad term meant to encompass the things you and your spouse do to support each other physically and emotionally following sex. This term originated from the kink community, but can be applied to non kinky sex as well. During sex, your hormones are escalated and once sex is done, the drop of those hormones can leave some exhausted, rejuvenated, or feeling very vulnerable. Especially if the sex was particularly passionate or kinky, the sudden drop in hormones can ruin the entire experience, even if it was a good experience. Aftercare is as essential to the sexual experience as foreplay. Foreplay helps you get ramped up, aftercare assists with the come down. It helps to make both spouses feel cared for and not like the sex was a means to an end or the nearest body to meet a need. 

Aftercare can look like many different things, and while I am going to list several options, it is unlikely you are going to need all of them. My hope is that if you don’t quite know how you wish to be cared for after sex, this list might provide some ideas to try. Ultimately, you know your body best and you know your spouse best. This is not an exhaustive list, so if you already have practices of aftercare that aren’t listed, keep doing them as long as they work for you and your spouse! 

Some ideas to implement to assist yourself and your spouse with their emotions and body after having sex:

Grab a towel and offer to wipe them down. 

Offer to grab your partner’s clothes and help them redress. 

Lay naked together, snuggling or just close and talk about how the sex was for both of you. 

Caress, kiss, or hold your partner. 

Serenade them to your favorite marital time playlist as you relax or dance together. 

Shower together afterwards. 

Tell them what you liked and appreciated about their body or movements. 

Grab your partner a snack or water. 

Move to a fun activity like watching a movie together or be near to them but doing your own thing, like reading or watching TikToks. 

Talk about the rest of your plans for the day (if it’s not directly before bed) so there is a set expectation of when your partner will need to get up and redirect to another task. 

Being physically close can be nice, but some will want to then regain their individual space after being so close. That’s perfectly okay and each couple should work to gauge what’s best for them after each time. Aftercare can be fluid. Depending on one’s emotions that day, the desired aftercare could be more than the usual or less than the usual. What makes one person feel emotionally safe and cared for might make another person feel very vulnerable, so the key is to be self aware of your emotions and needs and communicate them to your spouse. Hopefully something on this list will be useful in increasing your satisfaction and showing your spouse your care for them. If you have any other ideas, I’d love to hear them!