Justice & Chastity: The Marriage Debt
Selections of Theology for Married Couples: Part 2
Preface
Dear Friends, in order to continue our study of dogmatic and moral theology for married couples, it is imperative that we take the time to study the marital debt. My goal with this current article is to explain faithfully the Church’s teaching regarding this debt. Saint Thomas Aquinas and Saint Francis de Sales, both Doctors of the Church, are our primary guides, with clarifications from the reputable theologian Fr. Alphonse Tanquerey. My intent is therefore to faithful explain their doctrine in a way that is most easily accessible to most married laypeople.
Statement of Fidelity
If there are any theologians reading this series who have any objections, comments, corrections, etc. I would ask that they address me directly via email. I heartily appreciate peer-review of my work. As a lay theologian, I have a love-affair with the Truth, not my own ideas and interpretations. As always, I submit my writings to the review and correction of the Magisterium.
Introduction
In our modern, independent, self-centered world, the idea of another person having rights over someone else’s body is likely to elicit ideas of enslavement and abuse. It will likely come as a shock to many married Catholics that their marriage vows formed a contract by which they gave their spouse a right to sexual intercourse with them. This right to the marital act is called the marital debt (debitum nuptiale). Now whenever we are talking about a debt we are talking about something that pertains to the virtue of justice. If I have something that belongs to you and you ask for it, then in justice I am obligated to give it to you. So when we talk about paying the marriage debt, we are talking about fulfilling a duty in justice.
In preparation for this article, I looked around the internet to see what Catholics are saying. On the one hand, you have some that just paraphrase the corpus of the Saint Thomas Aquinas’s Summa Theologiae articles, which is a very good way to safely summarize most theology. [1] On the other hand, you have some authors who publicize their own opinions without theological foundation. [2] As a theologian, it is very concerning to see well-meaning Catholics hold views on this issue that are opposed to the teachings of the Church. As with other issues, our job is to live according to the Truth as presented by the Church, not to cherry pick what we do and do not like of Church teaching.
Divine Revelation
“Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency. ”
Saint Paul makes it quite clear that there is such thing a marriage debt and that it should be paid, except for temporary abstinence by mutual consent. Saint Thomas comments on these verses explaining that denying the payment of the marital debt is a form of fraud, “because one is taking away what belongs to another—and this pertains to fraud no less in marriage than in other affairs.” [3] Further, he makes explicit the teaching of Saint Paul that there are three concurrent criteria to postpone legitimately the payment of the marital debt:
It can only be by mutual consent
For a definite time
And for a suitable purpose, “that is, for the sake of spiritual acts, for which continence renders one more suitable.” [4]
Thomistic Development
Saint Thomas Aquinas addresses this debt in the Supplement to the third part of the Summa Theologiae, Question 64. I have reworded the article titles and broken them down into smaller elements. Each article question is followed by the yes or no response, and then the explanation.
1.a. Is one spouse bound to pay the marriage debt to the other?
Yes, one spouse is bound to pay the marriage debt to the other.
“On the contrary, As the slave is in the power of his master, so is one spouse in the power of the other (1 Cor 7:4). But a slave is bound by an obligation of precept to pay his master the debt of his service, according to Romans 13:7: render to all men their dues, tribute to whom tribute is due. Therefore, husband and wife are mutually bound to the payment of the marriage debt.”
“Further, Marriage is directed to the avoidence of fornication (1 Cor 7:2). But this could not be the effect of marriage, if the one were not bound to pay the debt to the other when the latter is troubled with concupiscence. Therefore, the payment of the debt is an obligation of precept.” [5]
1.b. Is a spouse bound to pay the debt if it will be harmful to themselves because they are ill?
No, a spouse only has power over the other’s body as consistent with the welfare of their person. If a spouse demands the debt such that it would be truly harmful to the other spouse, “it is not a request for the debt, but an unjust exaction;” then the other spouse is not bound to satisfy the demand. [6]
1.c Is a spouse bound to pay the debt to a spouse with a deadly contagious disease?
Yes, according to Saint Thomas. [7]
Of course this begs a hundred questions about paying the marriage debt with STIs. Since these questions do not apply to most couples, I will not attempt to answer them here. If you have questions about fulfilling the marital debt while infected with STDs, please email me and I will either answer your questions directly or direct you to a qualified bioethicist, moral theologian, or priest, as the case demands.
2. Is one sometimes bound to pay without being asked?
Yes, one is sometimes bound to pay the debt without being asked.
The payment of the debt is a medicine against concupiscence. A spouse is required to offer that medicine to their spouse without being asked.
“Further, A superior is bound to apply a remedy for the sins of his subjects even though they rebel against it. But the payment of the debt on the husband’s part is directed against the sins of his wife. Therefore, sometimes the husband is bound to pay the debt to his wife even though she ask it not of him.” [8]
3. May a wife demand the debt during her menstrual period?
Yes, a wife may demand the debt during her menstrual period.
Although intercourse during the menstrual period was prohibited under the Old Covenant and by Saint Thomas [9], this is no longer the teaching of the Church. Firstly, the ceremonial laws of the Old Testament are no longer binding as Saint Paul repeatedly affirms. Further, Saint Thomas’s teaching is based on the science of the day, which indicated that childhood physical ailments and deformities, such as blindness, lameness, and leprosy, were the result of intercourse during the menstrual period. Since the primary end of matrimony is the good of offspring, the marital act must be ordered to this end. Now that we know that these defects do are not caused by period sex, the argument no longer applies. [10]
4. Is a wife bound to pay the debt during her period?
Yes, a wife is bound to pay the debt during her period.
Neither spouse has the right to refuse the other under pretext of discomfort, but they can do so for grave health reasons that would be worsened by intercourse. With that said, the discomfort caused by intercourse is not usually sufficient cause to refuse the payment of the debt without sin if the husband insists, especially if it is out of sincere resistance to temptation. [11] Conversely, the disgust that a husband may feel towards period period sex is not sufficient cause to refuse his wife who asks for it. Since some women find that period sex helps to relieve menstrual cramps, then a husband who overcomes this disgust to pay the debt is not only practicing an act of justice, but also an act of charity.
5. Are husband and wife equal in the marriage debt?
Yes, husband and wife are equal in the marriage debt.
Saint Thomas explains the different types of equality and that this is an equality of proportion. Their roles are different, but they are equally bound together in the marital union. Thus, they are equals in both their right to demand payment and their duty to pay the debt. [12]
6. May one spouse without the consent of the other take a vow that prohibits the payment of the debt (a vow of celibacy or chastity)?
No, one spouse may not take a vow that prohibits the payment of the debt without the consent of the other.
“No one can vow that which belongs to another.” [13]
Some theologians have hypothesized that one could make a vow to never ask for payment of the debt. Interestingly, however, Saint Thomas rejects this idea and responds that a spouse who chooses to never ask for the debt creates an undue burden on their spouse who is therefore obliged to always initiate. [14]
7. Is it forbidden to ask for the debt at any particular time?
No, it is not forbidden to ask for the debt at any particular time.
Although it is a pious practice to refrain from the marital act on feast and fast days, sexual abstinence is no longer required by Church law on these days. [15]
8. Is it a mortal sin to ask for the debt during a holy time?
No, it is not a mortal sin to ask for the payment of the debt during a holy time. [16]
9. Is there an obligation to pay the debt at the time of festival?
Yes, there is an obligation to pay the debt at the time of festival.
“Since the wife has power of her husband’s body, and vice versa, with regard to the act of procreation, the one is bound to pay the debt to the other at any season or hour, with due regard to the decorum required in such matters, for this must not be done at once in public.” [17]
Theological Development
What is a precept?
As noted in Question 64, Article 1 above, the marital debt is obliged under precept. Now, a precept (praeceptum) is a command. The term is generally used for grave things, such as the Precepts (Commandments) of the Church or a formal precept given to someone in religious vows. In both cases, the precepts bind under pain of mortal sin. The obligation to pay the marital debt is grave matter in itself. It can, however, be lessened accidentally by the circumstances: a slight deferral in time, the one asking was not insisting, there is no danger to the chastity of either spouse.[18]
Reasons to refuse
As we have seen with Saint Thomas, the debt may only be refused for grave reasons. He specifically talks about physical health, but in my opinion, we could add psychological health. For example, if has experienced a sexual trauma and payment of the debt would risk further psychological harm. In such cases, however, there is an obligation to seek treatment in order to be able to fulfill the debt. If one feels that they have serious grounds to refuse the payment of the debt, they should ask for direction from an experienced confessor.
At this point I should probably note that there are couples where the wife has a much higher sex drive than the husband. In any case, women should have sex drives. If they do not, then it is likely that they have a hormonal imbalance which requires medical care or have suppressed it and should seek counseling.
Delaying Payment
There is an old dictum that justice delayed is justice denied. If one’s spouse requests the payment of the debt then one’s immediate response should be to seek to fulfill the debt as soon as possible. Of course there are many reasons why this may not be convenient at the moment. It is no offense against justice to ask one’s spouse if payment may be rendered at a specified later time, so long as that does not create an undue burden on the spouse requesting the debt, that they consent, and that one follows through at the agreed time. The criteria about the undue burden is important because of the duty to pay the debt to help protect one’s spouse against concupiscence. If one’s spouse is actively fighting temptation and one attempts to delay payment, then one is exposing one’s spouse to temptation, even if they consent. Knowingly failing to assist one’s spouse in this way is grave matter and mortally sinful. If the spouse who asked for the debt sins against chastity, then the spouse who delayed payment bears part of the culpability of the sin. [19]
Objections Not Addressed by Aquinas
Objection 1: Some women will say that if they pay the debt every time that it is demanded, then they will be constantly in the bedroom.
Response 1: Inconvenience does not negate duty. Further, if the spouse in the habit of refusing the other starts meeting the other’s needs regularly, they will probably not ask as often. There is no fixed quota for the frequency of marital relations. One couple may be truly satisfied with weekly sex, while another may need five times a week. What is important is that when one spouse asks, the other pays the debt, and both spouses are comfortable asking.
Objection 2: Refusing your spouse helps them to grow in virtue.
Response 2: Ends do not justify the means. You are not allowed to sin for the purpose of helping your spouse grow in virtue.
Objection 3: We agreed to NFP, so now I can refuse to pay the debt to my spouse during the fertile window.
Response 3: Just as one cannot take religious vows without permission of the other, so one cannot unilaterally decide to be abstinent, nor does an agreement to temporary abstinence negate one’s marriage vows. So even if a couple agrees to practice periodic abstinence (NFP), either spouse may end the abstinence and demand payment of the debt.
Objection 4: I have a headache/I’m too tired.
Response 4: Unless that is a debilitating migraine or one is falling asleep standing up, it is probably not sufficiently grave to dispense from the duty to pay the debt. Further, if the headache or fatigue is feigned then it is a sin against both the truth and justice. Dishonesty has no place in Christian marriage and should be banished from it.
Reasons to Not Ask
Now it should be noted that the above has entirely been interested with the duty of paying the debt. There is much that can also be said about not asking. For more about marital temperance, please see Saint Francis de Sales’s Philothea for some practical advice to those who need it. [20] Although I am sure there are some who will fault me for not giving equal time to these reasons, it is my professional experience from ten years of priestly formation and speaking with confessors, that conservative and traditional Catholics tend much more towards Jansenism and scrupulosity than towards libertinism and laxism. So I have addressed the obligation of the marital debt first, and will address questions of marital temperance in a future article.
Footnotes
Adam M., “The Marital Debt,” The Catholic Man Show (blog), September, 17, 2020, https://thecatholicmanshow.com/captivate-podcast/the-marital-debt/.
“The So-Called Marital Debt,” Traditional Catholic Femininity (blog), March 29, 2022, https://tradcatfem.com/2022/03/29/the-so-called-marital-debt/. (This article is wrong on too many points to address here, clearly in opposition to Divine Revelation and the teachings of Aquinas. The author cites only CCC 238; however, this paragraph is concerned with the spacing of births, not the obligation to pay the marital debt.)
Thomas Aquinas, Commentary on the Letters of Saint Paul to the Corinthians, c. 7, l. 1, n. 323, at Aquinas Institute, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~1Cor.C7.L1.n323.
Aquinas, Commentary, c. 7, l. 1, n. 324, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~1Cor.C7.L1.n324.
Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiæ, III Supplementum, q. 64, a. 1, sed contra, at Aquinas Institute, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A1.SC. Hereafter, this text is abbreviated as ST.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 1, ad obj. 2, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A1.Rep2.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 1, ad obj. 4, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A1.Rep4.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 2, sed contra, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A2.SC.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 3, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A3.SC.
Adolphe Tanquerey, “Supplementum ad Tr. de Matrimonio,” in Synopsis Theologiæ Moralis et Pastoralis, vol. 1, De Pænitentia, De Matrimonio et Ordine, 9th ed. (Rome: Desclée & Co., 1922), n. 24. Hereafter, this text is abbreviated as STMP.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 4, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A4 & STMP, n. 24.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 5, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A5.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 6, sed contra, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A6.SC.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 6, ad obj. 3, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A6.Rep3.
STMP, n. 24.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 8, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A8.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 9, corpus, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A9.C.
STMP, n. 55-56.
ST, III Supp., q. 64, a. 1, ad obj. 3, https://aquinas.cc/la/en/~ST.IIISup.Q64.A1.Rep3.
Francis de Sales, Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life (Charlotte: TAN Books, 2010), Part Third: Rules for the Practice of Virtue, chapters 38-39, pages 231-9.
Bibliography
De Sales, Francis. Philothea or An Introduction to the Devout Life. Charlotte: TAN Books, 2010.
Denzinger, Heinrich, Helmut Hoping, Peter Hünermann, Robert Fastiggi, and Anne Englund Nash. Enchiridion symbolorum, definitionum et declarationum de rebus fidei et morum. 43rd ed. San Francisco: Ignatius, 2012.
The Douay-Rheims Bible. At DRBO, drbo.org.
Leo XIII. Encyclical Arcanum Divinae. February 10, 1880. https://www.vatican.va/content/leo-xiii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_l-xiii_enc_10021880_arcanum.html.
M., Adam. “The Marital Debt.” The Catholic Man Show (blog). September, 17, 2020. https://thecatholicmanshow.com/captivate-podcast/the-marital-debt/.
Pius XI. Encyclical Casti Connubii. December 31, 1930. https://www.vatican.va/content/pius-xi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_19301231_casti-connubii.html.
Pius XII. “Address to Midwives on the Nature of Their Profession.” October 29, 1951. https://www.papalencyclicals.net/pius12/p12midwives.htm.
Tanquerey, Adolphe. Synopsis Theologiæ Moralis et Pastoralis. Vol. 1. De Pænitentia, De Matrimonio et Ordine. 9th ed. Rome: Desclée & Co., 1922.
Thomas Aquinas. Commentary on the Letters of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. At Aquinas Institute, aquinas.cc.
———. Summa Theologiæ. At Aquinas Institute, aquinas.cc.
“The So-Called Marital Debt.” Traditional Catholic Femininity (blog). March 29, 2022. https://tradcatfem.com/2022/03/29/the-so-called-marital-debt/.
Edited: October 31, 2022 - Correction to the section “What is a Precept?” with a new citation.
