Awaiting the Immaculate Conception: Tears before the Feast
The Immaculate Conception – painting by Guido Reni (MET, 59.32) - WikiMedia
The Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary is a profound mystery. It was a point of controversy amongst theologians, all while being a point of devotion for the faithful for centuries. The matter was infallibly settled by Pope Pius IX with the bull Ineffabilis Deus in 1854.
Pius tradition tells us that Mary’s parents, Saints Joachim and Anna, were elderly and had been struck with infertility. I say struck because infertility was seen in the Old Covenant as a mark of God’s displeasure. As is always the case, the Cross must be carried before the glory of the Resurrection. The greater the cross, the greater the glory. As with Sarah, Hannah, the parents of Saint John the Baptist and others, this was not a punishment. Rather, God was asking them to carry a great cross for a long time, holding on to hope.
Anyone that has struggled with infertility knows well that there must have been copious tears shed in these pious homes. They carried a grief that only those that have experienced it can understand, the looks, comments, and questions of friends and family only adding to the burden. Carrying such a burden well for a time is the virtue of patience, but when time drags on, especially without sign of relief, that patience turns into longsuffering. We can be confident that these saintly couples possessed that virtue to a high degree.
How then does one carry such a burden for so long? Assuredly, one must be abandoned to Divine Providence and cling to hope, but how to foster those virtues? The same way that we foster all the virtues: prayer and the sacraments, fasting, and almsgiving. Truly, we are fortunate because we live in the New Covenant and can receive the sacraments. They only had the foreshadowing of these sacraments in the rites and sacrifices of the Old Law.
Marriage, both in the Old and New Testament, provides a number of graces. One of those is the grace of mutual support. Grief is something that each must process in their own way, at their own pace, but not alone, especially if the cause of the grief is shared. Those that struggle with infertility know that this can be very complicated. One spouse may want to talk about their grief, while the other needs to process it in silence. The one that needs to talk about it may take the other’s silence as indifference. This in turn can lead to the spouses feeling isolated, killing intimacy.
In pious tradition, Joachim was the one that needed the time alone to pray, but Anna met him at the gates when he returned and they embraced. So if you are struggling with infertility, think of Saints Joachim and Anna. Pray to them. Ask their support for you and your spouse. Be ready for your spouse when they are ready to talk. It may not be easy, especially if you are still quietly grieving and still want time alone, but it’s important. Foster your intimacy and your devotion. These two things will get you through the sad tears of grief to the happy tears of joy.
Immaculate Conception, pray for us! Saints Joachim and Anna, pray for us!
