Beauty, Confidence, and Lingerie
“Nevertheless a woman may use means to please her husband, lest through despising her he fall into adultery. Hence it is written (1 Cor 7:34) that the woman that is married thinketh on the things of the world, how she may please her husband. Wherefore if a married woman adorn herself in order to please her husband she can do this without sin.”
As a wife, I desire to be appealing to my husband, and him alone. I care about what he finds attractive, and what he doesn’t. I think everyone wants to be with someone that they’re comfortable with, and don’t feel like they have to have their or makeup done to be beautiful, but sometimes this sentiment can go too far. Men are visual creatures, and his wife is the one body he can view and take pleasure in. Makeup and styled hair should not be a requirement, but more an effort to actively please your husband and satisfy his visual appetite.
There’s a saying that I don’t often follow, but should, that says, “Every day, get dressed to shoes.” This is particularly from the Fly-lady cleaning method. Especially for stay at home moms, stay at home wives, or those that work from home, it can be easy to get up and get the day started without getting ready. Work is waiting for you, kids might be waiting for you, and the time gets away without a second thought. I encourage you though to try and spend 10 minutes getting ready in the morning. Put on an outfit you feel comfortable and beautiful in, all the way down to shoes even if you’re not leaving your house. Style your hair just a bit, maybe a little bit of makeup or just some skin care and teeth brushing, but give yourself some time to feel a little bit human and put together before all of your responsibilities take precedence.
Hopefully this practice will increase self-esteem, productivity, and an overall positive attitude to your day. It also gives you confidence, helps you feel prepared and ready for the day, and sets an example for those around you. It shows your husband that you value yourself enough to a few extra minutes in the morning to get yourself ready and prepared for the day, and this can be incredibly sexy to a man.
Think about when you’re going out for a date or a big event. You spend time to complete all of the extra steps in the shower, blow dry and style your hair, put on your makeup and pick out a great outfit. And typically, you make sure photos are taken because you feel great about yourself. You know you look your best and you want to flaunt it a bit. The confidence you feel at this moment is what is most attractive, not necessarily how you achieved perfect winged eyeliner or the biggest, bounciest curls. A bit of this confidence can be achieved every day by putting in a fraction of the effort. Your husband will notice a difference when you look presentable, cheery, and are wanting to be affectionate because you feel good about yourself.
In the same way that makeup is a confidence booster for your face, lingerie can be this way in the bedroom. It’s meant to enhance your already gorgeous figure and highlight what your husband probably loves most about your body. There are different types of lingerie, some more modest, others more kinky, and it’s up to you to decide what you’re comfortable with. When you find the piece that flatters your curves and makes you feel like a million bucks because it hides the weird mole you never liked and shows off your best asset, your husband is going to feel your excitement and confidence and it’s going to translate to the bedroom. On top of the fact that men are visual, most of the time the true excitement comes because there was effort given to please your spouse. It can be very romantic and a clear sign that you want and desire sexual intimacy with them, and it’s nice to feel desired and wanted. Men and women are alike in this way.
I know some women feel negatively towards lingerie, for reasons of objectification or low morals, but I would ask you to consider the context in which you’re wearing it. If you are intending for the lingerie to be only for the eyes of your spouse, to engage in the moral marital act, where is the objectification or low morals? To me, this is the exact place it’s meant for. Lingerie is a piece of fabric that has no moral value. Your spouse is supposed to be aroused and attracted to you. Otherwise, the marital act sounds like torture. Adding some garments that enhance your natural beauty and show off your figure to entice your spouse is not just okay but encouraged by Saint Thomas Aquinas.
