Dating Your Spouse
If anyone needs a wholesome show to watch, I recommend Army Wives. It’s become our new show to watch together because it inspires so many conversations about how we would handle the very real life scenarios that they go through. An episode we were watching the other night involved a couple that was about to divorce, but decided to work things out and didn’t know where to start. The therapist they saw suggested going on a date, but the husband balked a bit and though that dating his wife was a little silly. Spoiler alert: he ultimately came around, but it took some humility. So today I want to talk about dating your spouse and ideas for dates.
When James and I were just about to get engaged, we had only dated for 2 months, so naturally we received some push back from our friends and family. Like James mentioned in a previous article, I knew I was going to marry him the first night we met, so I knew that I was willing to make it work, but the constant fear from those around me caused me to doubt myself and what the Lord had spoken to me. I went to talk to one of my trusted mentors, and she gave me the best advice I received during that time. She said, “People never stop changing, growing, and learning. So even if you took another year to learn every single thing about each other, you’re going to get married and keep learning. Knowing every single thing about the other person isn’t the goal. The goal is committing to continue to learn about this person for the rest of your life.” Shoutout to Alayna for that solid piece of wisdom. It’s incredibly true. The day that I give up being curious about my husband, is the day I give up our marriage and vice versa. I can learn a lot about him and his habits, but as he grows and matures, and has new experiences, he might respond differently to a situation than I think. He might act differently than I assume. A good way to be intentional about your romance and foster curiosity of the other, is to date them. Spend quality time together doing new things. This will probably end up being a series of different date ideas so I’m just going to walk you through one relatively free/cheap one!
Massage Lesson Night
The overall goal is to create a fun and relaxing atmosphere as you learn how to give each other massages. This is a bonding experience, not meant to embarrass or judge your actual massage skills, but to learn something new together while also being physically close.
Supplies needed:
Towel
Blanket
Lotion/body oil
TV/streaming device
Snacks and drinks (champagne, strawberries, whiskey, etc..)
Mood lighting (candles preferred)
Flowers/rose petals (optional)
Hot towel (optional)
To Setup:
This depends on which space you’re using. I recommend using a living room, or somewhere outside the bedroom so it makes it feel really intentional without being coercive.
Start by rearranging any furniture needed so you can set down the towel on the floor/bed. You’re going to want to be able to see your streaming device.
Arrange the mood lighting around this space to be soft and romantic, but not blinding anyone or likely to catch things on fire.
A nice trick for really amping up the preparation is to put your lotion or oil in a microwave safe container and heat it up for a little bit beforehand so it’s warm to the touch.
You can get a hot towel at home by rolling up a hand towel and putting it in the dishwasher or steaming it in some water on the stove. This is extra, not necessary.
You’ll want to pre-cue your videos and have them ready. Some previewed videos that I think would be helpful are embedded below!
Last thing is to arrange your drinks and snacks if you so choose to have them. Water is always a great option as well or sparkling juice for a non-alcoholic option.
Step By Step:
After setup, you should guide your partner to the area. It might be nice to have some spa/light jazz music playing in the background. You can either sit down and enjoy some of the snacks/drinks or get right into it. I would personally get right into it to ensure the lotion/oil stays warm.
Once you decide to start the massage, help your spouse undress and get them used to your caress. Instruct them to lay on the towel. If laying on the towel or a couch/bed is not an option, you could also have them sit backwards on a chair and you stand. You can add pillows as needed to ensure comfortability, especially under the ankles. From there you can either straddle/sit on their butt or kneel to the side. You might also want to ask your partner what their preferred pressure is and if there’s any area they would like for you to avoid.
Then, I would start the instructional video and get into it. You can pause it and retry techniques. Don’t forget to communicate with your partner about what techniques feel good to them! After the time is up, you can take a break to enjoy some drinks and snacks and then switch roles. Personally, I would give your partner time to enjoy the wonderful massage they just received and place a blanket over them. Once the lotion and oil dries they’re likely to be cold until they get moving again.
If you opted for a hot towel, you would use the hot towel to wipe the lotion and oil off of their body and then give them a blanket.
Once both partners are done, you have something to talk about. You can drink or eat more snacks, discuss what each other’s favorite part of the experience was, and what they might like to try in the future. You could move things into the bedroom if you’re not already there or just enjoy the rest of the evening in the mood lighting. At that point it’s up to y’all!
