Exodus 90: A Reset
Introduction
A few years ago, I did a 90-day program called Exodus 90 with my dad and a few other men from our parish. It was a great experience. I was really impressed with how much it changed me for the better. But over the last few months, I've let my good habits slip. I'm so busy juggling Catholic Intimacy with my day job and family affairs that I haven't been able to keep up with some of those important, but not urgent items. I really needed to spend more time in prayer and giving quality attention to my wife. And I need to be more fit, with all this computer time my PFT scores were slipping.
So, I decided to do Exodus 90 again. It's been a little while since I've done it, and it's tough, but I think it's worth it. This time around, I'm doing it with another group of highly motivated husbands and fathers, who are keeping me accountable and motivated to grow.
What Is Exodus 90?
Exodus 90 is a 90-day spiritual exercise for men. It was created to call men out of slavery and to God. The three pillars of Exodus 90 are prayer, asceticism, and fraternity. It seems that if you mention Exodus 90 in a crowd of Catholic men, they all know it as that program where you can't drink and you have to take cold showers. Yep, that's the one!
It's also the program where you are expected to make a daily holy hour with meditations primarily on the book of Exodus. In the Catholic tradition of asceticism, the negative is always in favor of the positive. We fast so that we can pray better. We do penance to strip ourselves of worldly attachments so that we can be better united with God.
My Experience With the Program
We are two weeks into the program this time and it's no more pleasant than the last time. The cold showers still bite. This year, I chose giving up dip as my extra discipline. That really sucks and Megan can tell you that the first few days were not very pleasant. I still crave it, but my nicotine habit was standing in the way of improving my run times. I had to make a choice between my favorite drug and a lifelong goal.
Life is a continuous series of choices. Those choices will take us down a seemingly infinite number of paths, but ultimately there are only four final things: death, judgement, heaven or hell.
Even when we are generally making good choices, sometimes we need a reset. A time when we deliberately evaluate our lives and take concrete actions to correct our habits. Sometimes that means over-bending the bar so that when we release it, it returns to normal.
Benefits of the Program
The program is designed to help men break free of bad habits—alcohol, drugs, porn, masturbation, obsessive cell phone use, etc.—and build new habits in their place. For me, that meant time for prayer, quality time with my wife, exercise, and healthy eating.
I bring all this up on a blog about marital intimacy because habits form our character. Both virtues and vices are habits. Virtues draw us closer to God, make us better people, and effectively allow us to better bond with out spouse. Vices, on the other hand, drive us away from God, degrade us, and alienate us from our spouses.
Pornography use for both men and women is at an all-time high, so are divorce rates. Addictions of all kinds are leprous in marriages, even those socially acceptable addictions like to caffeine and sugar.
Breaking free from an addiction takes a lot of will power and usually a lot of help. That's why programs like Exodus 90 are so good because at they same time that they have you give up near occasions of sin, like alcohol and unnecessary mobile phone usage, they also give you exercises to build discipline, like the cold showers and fasting.
Advice to Wives of Participants
Exodus 90 is not easy and it's hard to make the commitment to it without support from your wife. So if your husband decides to commit to the program, I suggest that you support him throughout the process. This can come in many forms — encouraging words, helping him stick to his routine, and offering prayerful support.
Also, give your husband some extra love during this time. Exodus 90 is physically and spiritually demanding, so make sure your husband has rest days and little treats when he needs it.
Moreover, don’t forget about yourself. Get involved in other activities—meet up with friends or join a group or class—so you have something else to look forward to each week apart from Exodus 90. Additionally look into resources specifically made for wives of Exodus 90 participants so you can get additional tips as well as resources to help make sure you both thrive throughout the program.
Conclusion
Be of good courage. Ladies and Gentlemen, If you are struggling with any any addiction, know that you can be free of it. Depending on the addiction and how strong the habit has been formed, it may take a lot of time, effort, prayer, and professional help. It's worth it for your marriage.
Gents, although this year’s pre-Easter Exodus 90 has already started, I would be willing to lead a group for any of our male readers who are interested. Better late than never! Use this link to join the CI fraternity: https://app.exodus90.com/j/HKP5Y88-BPF9ND4.
