Respecting the No
For a lot of women I know, we have grand ideas about how things should be. How the people in our lives should behave and believe, including but not limited to our spouse. We might think that finances are best spent in a certain manner, and evenings should have a certain timeline of chores and expectations. How do we respond when our spouse says no and interrupts our control of events?
I know plenty of friends, family, and clients that would feel angry or rejected, and it would begin an argument. The root of this argument is a power struggle based on pride. Let’s take it back to Eve. Short summary: She believed she knew best and manipulated Adam into eating the fruit. It’s a great example of how women like to take control and the fallout that can happen when we manipulate the outcome for what we think is best. Several of my friends in an honest conversation would even say, “I’m being an Eve and I need to stop”, or would call out other friends for “pulling an Eve” in their relationships. Side note: be a good friend, and don’t let fear stop you from calling out your friends (lovingly) when they need a reminder about who they are.
But it can be really difficult to understand another person’s perspective and trust that they also understand your perspective and have chosen a different way. It takes a lot of communication, but sometimes there isn’t time for that. So in the moment, do we swallow our pride and accept the no, trusting that our husband has the best interest of the household in mind and it can be discussed later for some understanding, or do we fight back and attempt to emasculate our husband’s role as head of household, interfering with the good work the Lord is doing in Him to lead your household?
Brene Brown recently did an interview speaking about how her family operates. It’s a family-focused family. There are families that focus on the parents wants and needs, or the kids wants and needs, at the detriment of the other, but in her house, the family focuses on what’s important and beneficial to the entire family. This looks like discussing work obligations and children’s activities to determine what meets the needs of the whole family during that season of life, instead of just one or two individuals. If you think your family might be out of balance, or needing some direction, take a date night to review what goals your family has, and hear your spouse out on how they are attempting to accomplish those goals with each member in mind. Wives have fantastic ideas and a deep understanding of the needs of the family that their husbands should be open to listening to, but that doesn’t mean he will agree on the means necessary to meet those needs. Your husband needs your respect, even when he says no.
