Should I Give Up Sex For Lent?

When I hear the question “Should I give up sex for Lent?” my immediate response is, “Probably not.” Lent is a season for deep prayer and reflection, but when it comes to marriage, decisions about intimacy should always be made together and with an understanding of the consequences.

Scripture and Spiritual Perspective

Saint Paul instructs us, “Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency” (1 Cor. 5:7). This verse isn’t a license for one husband or wife to unilaterally sacrifice sexual intimacy—it reminds us that any temporary abstinence should be agreed upon by both. After all, the vows you exchange mean you’re journeying through life, and faith, together.

Mutual Consent and the Pitfalls of Partial Abstinence

Marriage is built on shared promises and mutual support. When one person makes changes to your sex life without talking it over, it disrupts that delicate balance. Some suggest a “no initiation” approach—where one partner holds back on initiating intimacy. But even that can create unintended pressure. True marital intimacy comes from both husband and wife actively engaging and supporting each other.

Real-World Experience: Shifting Initiation Patterns

I once worked with a couple facing a familiar challenge. In their marriage, sex had become a bit of a chore for the wife—something she approached with a sense of duty rather than joy. The husband, meanwhile, felt disconnected and unloved because he wasn’t receiving the intimacy he needed. For Lent, the wife decided to try something different: she began initiating intimacy once a week. This small yet significant change allowed the husband to feel more loved and appreciated, easing his sense of neglect. At the same time, the wife found that by sharing the responsibility, the pressure to perform was lifted, turning intimacy into a mutual source of pleasure rather than obligation. Their honest communication and willingness to experiment transformed their sexual relationship, strengthening marital intimacy in all its facets.

The Importance of Regular Sexual Intimacy

Sex is more than just a physical act—it’s a key component of a happy, healthy marriage. Both research and real-life experience show that regular intimacy—ideally once a week, or even twice—is crucial for marital satisfaction. If maintaining a healthy frequency of intimacy feels overwhelming, it might be time to reassess the dynamics in your marriage or seek guidance from a trusted counselor or coach.

A Balanced Approach for Lent

Rather than deciding to give up sex entirely, consider using Lent as an opportunity to enhance both your spiritual and marital connection. Try setting aside time for joint prayer, sharing devotional readings, or engaging in other spiritual practices that bring you closer together. By aligning your spiritual goals with a commitment to one another’s well-being, you can honor your faith without compromising the intimacy that keeps your marriage strong.

Conclusion

Ultimately, any decision to adjust your marital habits during Lent should be made with mutual consent and open communication. Rather than putting your sex life on hold, use this season as a chance to explore new ways to grow closer—in both spirit and body. By addressing challenges together and being willing to adjust your approach, you can transform potential burdens into opportunities for deeper intimacy and mutual love.