The Importance of Novelty
There’s a metaphor I love about a tiger in a zoo. The tiger is confined to his little fenced yard, and will quickly deteriorate without proper mental stimulation. In order to engage the tiger, the zookeepers will put pumpkins in his enclosure. The tiger loves these pumpkins because he can kick them around, gnaw on them, and it’s just something different to change his scenery. People and relationships need the novelty of a pumpkin or a squash to keep the mental engagement going.
The usefulness of novelty is sometimes seriously underrated. Think about when you’re sick and you haven’t left the house or a specific room for days and you start to feel stir crazy. This is your mental health telling you it needs a squash or a pumpkin to keep up engagement. Without the extra stimulation, your brain will deteriorate. In my personal life, I call trips or events pumpkins. These are vacations or concerts. An abrupt change of scenery, routine, and interactions. These are crucial for your emotional and mental health to continue to thrive, have new experiences and new ideas to process. Squashes are the little changes of scenery or interactions. Like going to a weekly bible study or going out for date night. They switch things up just enough to provide some extra stimulation, but maybe don’t engage in your brain as much as a vacation would. Both of these are super necessary to your personal health, but also for your relationship.
Do you struggle to come up with things to talk about or are the conversations always about the same things? Do you find yourself often bored or daydreaming? You need a squash or a pumpkin! Even better if you find a gourd that works for you and your spouse. The novelty of a new restaurant for date night, or traveling to a place you’ve never been before but always wanted to go gives both of you new information and experiences to metaphorically gnaw on and kick around. It’s a bonding experience in that you’re doing it together, but because it’s new, the engagement and communication is different. You suddenly have new ideas to think about and process. What you might choose for dinner at a new restaurant could be completely outside of your norm and now your spouse is realizing maybe they don’t always know what your decision would be, and they get to learn something new about your ideas and perceptions.
I’ve mentioned the 2x2x2 rule before, where you have 2 date nights a month, a weekend trip every 2 months, and a big trip every 2 years. Maybe your schedule or finances or children don’t allow for that, but the main idea is that you’re being intentional in experiencing something new with your partner and giving each other quality time. Think about your weekly or monthly routines and what events you’ve already scheduled as a pumpkin or a squash. Find what makes you feel engaged and interactive with the world, and then see what your spouse's answer to that is. Hopefully there is at least one area where y’all can overlap and it can be meaningful (in the sense of stimulation) to both of you. Maybe you create a bucket list together while on a date and set realistic goals for how to accomplish the things on each other’s bucket list. Even if you have 10 kids and have been married for 30 years, there should be new experiences or activities you wanted to try but never got the chance. Here’s your sign to make novelty an intentional part of your life and your relationship.
