Common Objections to Coaching

Even after doing this for a couple of years, I still get excited when I get a new client. I really enjoy helping people to have more satisfying and fulfilling sex lives and in turn better marriages. It has been such a blessing for me to see marriages transform through this process. This transformation is what Catholic Intimacy is all about. It is what we pray for, have masses offered for, and have even suffered for.

So, the point of a discovery call is for both the coach and the client to determine if this will be a good fit for them. Usually, by the time I have read through a potential client’s intake forms, I already have a good idea if my services will be a good fit for their needs. So, as excited as I get when I see a new client, I am also disappointed when at the end of the discovery call a client who I was confident I could help decides not to proceed with coaching. That’s their call. I cannot make it for them and I cannot/would not try to force this on anyone. You have to be ready and committed for this to work. 

So, if you are thinking about coaching, here are some of the more common objections for you to consider before jumping on the discovery call. 

I don’t have the time.

Coaching is a journey, a process, not a quick fix. I don’t have a magic wand. Most clients start to see improvements within the first few weeks, but lasting, deep change usually takes 3-6 months to accomplish. That’s why I ask my clients to commit to either a three-month or a six-month package. Yes, it’s an investment of time. But take a look at your marriage, look at your sex life. If nothing improved in your marriage for the next 20-40 years, would you be okay with that? Nine hours of coaching may be the difference between the life you dread and the life you look forward to living for the rest of your marriage.

I don’t have the money.

In this economy, I totally understand. Times are tough. That’s why I can’t offer this for free. Sure, if your income is three times the federal poverty line (taking into account the number of people in your household), you don’t qualify for any discounts, and you won’t commit to at least three months of coaching, my rate is $200 per hour. At the other extreme, if your income is less than the federal poverty line, you qualify for more than one discount, and you pay for six months upfront, you’ll only pay $17.14 per hour.

I want to make this available to as many couples as I can, that’s why I have a sliding scale and various discounts. Yes, it is still an investment. It’s an investment in the most intimate area of your life.

For couples at the breaking point, I would point out that my rates are cheaper than those of divorce lawyers.

My spouse won’t let me.

This one is particularly sad. I have had a couple of ladies and a gentleman who seemed committed, but quit coaching because of pressure from their spouses. Gentlemen, be a man. Where you lead, your family will follow. One of the most successful couples I have worked with, started because the husband signed up. He came onto that discovery call ready to fight tooth and nail for his marriage, almost demanding, pleading for help. His wife did practically everything she could do to avoid talking to me. Within three months of hard work and dedication, their marriage had been transformed. Ladies, be persistent. Yes, he is the head of the household, meaning that he is obliged to care for the needs of every family member, especially yours.

I feel awkward about talking with a stranger about my sex life.

Most people feel this way for the first couple of sessions, but that wears away. As they start making progress it is not uncommon for them to look forward to sharing their victories.

For women: I feel awkward about talking with a man about my sex life.

I understand that. Please realize that two-thirds of my clients are women. I am an empathetic listener and have lots of experience working with women.

I am ashamed of talking about my sex life.

This is coaching, not confession or spiritual direction. I am not your judge; I’m here to help. I would rather you tell me about it, so I can help you fix the situation than for you to continue to suffer. If you tell me about doing something that seems may be sinful, I’ll tell you to talk to your confessor about it. Plus, you are not likely to surprise me. I’ve heard lots of things. I’ve worked with couples all over the spectrum, with all sorts of difficult situations, baggage, and trauma. I’ve had clients who have had abortions, used contraceptives, been sterilized, have STIs, physical disabilities, mental health conditions, are pregnant, are newlyweds, are elderly, and even are bisexual and in a faithful heterosexual Catholic marriage. Don’t limit yourself by what you think I can handle.

I already have a therapist, so I don’t need a coach.

Therapy is not coaching and coaching is not therapy. Although a therapist may treat conditions such as female orgasmic disorder or the underlying causes of aversion to sex, they typically do not spend much, if any, time on the practicalities. About half of my clients also see a therapist. There are some areas where our work overlaps, but mostly they are simply complementary. Usually in these cases, the therapist is focused on healing past wounds that inhibit present intimacy, while I focus on practical steps to build intimacy and make sex enjoyable in the present. So, unless your therapist is a Catholic sex therapist, if you are struggling with a sexual issue, you would probably benefit from working with a Catholic sex coach.

I hope that this helps with your discernment process. If you are ready for change and willing to work for it, I look forward to walking this journey with you. May God bless you and your marriage.