Masturbation in Marriage

For Couples
Written By James Walther, MA, ABS

Masturbation is per se (i.e., in and of itself) gravely sinful. This means that it is always sinful, including in marriage. Since we started Catholic Intimacy, many people have contacted me to ask whether one or another act was masturbatory or if masturbation would be allowed in x, y, or z situations. So, hopefully, if you are here with a question like that, this article will clarify things.

Definitions:

At the start of any academic inquiry, we must first define our terms. The purpose of a definition is to distinguish the meaning of a term such that it fully includes the thing represented by the word and nothing else. It should be neither too broad (including unintended things or ideas) or too narrow (excluding things/ideas that are meant to be included). In the Latin manuals, this topic is discussed under the heading of pollutio; however, the sense pollutio (literally, pollution) is too restrictive, as only a man is capable of pollutio in the strict sense (Tanquerey, 1921, Supplementum No. 53). The English edition Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC; 1993) defines masturbation as “the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure” (CCC, 2352). If taken strictly, then this definition encompasses even legitimate sexual intercourse between spouses. Now, if we understand the phrase “in order to derive sexual pleasure” as exclusive of the complete marital act, then this definition is sufficient. However, a good definition should be clear. Therefore, I propose the following definition:

Masturbation is the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure apart from the marital act.

Lust is the “disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes” (CCC, 2351).

For the definition and explanation of the marital act, please see the article The Marital Act, Cardinal Rule, and Pleasure Principles (Walther, 2022a).

So since masturbation is gravely sinful, anything that fits the definition of masturbation is gravely sinful.

Examples:

For the sake of clarity, let us examine a few scenarios. These examples are not exhaustive. They are composites of scenarios that I have been asked about. If you feel that one of these scenarios applies to you, please seek counsel from a priest or you can schedule a coaching session with me.

Scenario 1:

A man or woman looks at pornography and manually stimulates himself or herself to orgasm.

Is this sinful, and if so, how? Yes, it is. These are the grave sins of looking at pornography, lust, and masturbation (CCC, 2351, 2352, & 2354).

What about this scenario could be corrected so that the act would be moral? Nothing, the entire scenario is entirely immoral and perverse. Pornography, in all its forms, must be avoided.

Scenario 2:

A man or woman, alone, imagines their spouse naked and manually stimulates themselves, but not to the point of orgasm.

Is this sinful, and if so, how? Yes, it is. These are the grave sins of lust and masturbation. Now one may want to argue that one cannot lust after one’s own spouse or that orgasm was not achieved. However, when we look back at the definitions of lust, we realize that one can lust after one’s own spouse when one has a desire for the sexual pleasure that they provide when that pleasure is isolated from the procreative and unitive ends of marriage. Further, orgasm is not part of the definition of masturbation.

What about this scenario could be corrected so that the act would be moral? While it is not necessarily immoral to think of one’s spouse in a sexual way (otherwise how would couples ever have sex?), it can be dangerous to do so when there is no immediate possibility for marital intercourse. For example, if a soldier is deployed, he and his spouse should avoid thinking of each other in a sexual way because these thoughts during their separation could be a near occasion of sin.

Scenario 3:

A Catholic married couple is nine months pregnant and not able to have sex due to the pregnancy. Clearly, they are open to life and they cannot get pregnant while already pregnant. So, in order to foster the unitive aspect of their marriage, they mutually stimulate each other to orgasm without completing the marital act (male ejaculation in the vagina).

Is this sinful, and if so, how? Yes, it is. These are the grave sins of lust and masturbation. As Humane Vitae teaches “it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life,” so although the couple is already pregnant, their failure to complete the marital act makes these acts masturbatory. (CCC, 2366; Walther, 2022a).

What about this scenario could be corrected so that the act would be moral? If a couple is strictly not able to complete the marital act, then they must abstain from sexual acts (Walther, 2023). If, however, they could complete the act so long as there was minimal penetration, for example. Then, for example, the wife could stimulate the husband until he was at the point of climax and then he insert himself into her to complete the act and then he could stimulate her to orgasm (Walther, 2022b; Tanquerey, 1922, Supplementum ad Tr. De Matrimonio No. 32).

Scenario 4:

A Catholic married couple is well into menopause and, due to health, not able to have sex. They are no longer able to have children, but they want to express their love, so they manually stimulate each other to orgasm without completing the marital act.

Is this sinful, and if so, how? Yes, it is. In the same way as the previous scenario.

The response to this scenario is the same as the previous one.

Further Reading:

Selections of Theology for Married Couples

The Legitimacy of the Marital Act with Regards to Circumstances

References

James Walther, MA, ABS

James is a professional Catholic intimacy (relationship & sex) coach and theologian. He holds three degrees in theology from Holy Apostles College and Seminary and has done graduate studies in marriage and family therapy at Capella University. He is an EMT and ABS certified sexologist. His research interests include Catholic sexual ethics, the female orgasm, trauma, and the sacramentality of the minor orders. He is the translator of Yves Chiron’s Paul VI: The Divided Pope. He also serves in the Army National Guard.

https://linktr.ee/jamesbwalther
Previous

Extended Availability for Catholic Marriage and Intimacy Coaching
Next

What Do I Have to Offer?