What Do I Have to Offer?
A Self-Reflection for Those Discerning Marriage
There are plenty of articles about what you should look for in a spouse. This is not one of those. There are also plenty on how to find a spouse. This is not one of those. And while our articles are addressed primarily to married Catholics, this is not one of those either. This article is written for anyone wanting to find their soulmate, their future spouse.
Here’s the big question: what do you have to offer? In other words, why should anyone want to commit themselves to you exclusively for life? That’s a million-dollar question.
Everyone has a type, i.e., certain characteristics that they find attractive. We all know (or knew) what characteristics we are (were) looking for in our spouse. We tend to have pretty lofty ideals. But let’s flip that around. If our future spouse is as magnificent as we imagine, then should we not expect that they too have high standards for who they want to be with? Do we meet the criteria of someone that meets our criteria?
Dr. Talley (2019) on Psychology Today offers a list of things to look for in a future spouse:
Confidence
Generosity
Humility
Humor
Forgiveness
Honesty
Loyalty
Duty
Courage
Can you really say that you meet all these criteria? …and you’re still single? Why?
Some follow-up questions:
Am I independent financially, emotionally, etc.?
Am I healthy spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically?
For men: Am I a leader? Can a woman reasonably trust me to be a good head-of-house?
For women: Am I truly ready to commit to someone else being the head-of-house? Do I know the difference between advice, suggestion, and manipulation?
These are just some of the questions that single people may need to ask themselves, especially when the hunt for a spouse is taking longer than they expected.
Are you struggling to find your future spouse? Let’s talk!
Testimonial
James is a level headed individual who truly understands God. I’ve had several conversations with him over the past year and a half all of which go deep and direct. I recently went through premarital counseling with the woman who I love and wanted to become one with, only to break up weeks before I dropped the knee. He has been a reasonable voice in my ear and has helped me to pick up the pieces, put them back together, and focus on setting my life straight before I get into another relationship. I don't know exactly where life will take me but I know that I'm headed in the right direction towards the father and building a plan to become more like the version of me that the father wants in all of us. I love him as a brother and you would benefit from hearing what he has to say.
- John
References
Talley, F. (2019, July 9). What to Look for in a Potential Spouse: Nine essential qualities. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 16, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/relationship-emporium/201907/what-look-in-potential-spouse
