Other Than the Ideal: Obstacles to Marital Intimacy

For Couples
Written By Megan Walther, LMSW

While this online forum is not intended to meet every need for everybody, it is intended to be a safe space that provides some resources for those who need it. So, I thought I would make a small and nowhere near exhaustive list about what kind of couple might find our resources and the products offered by our affiliates helpful. The kinds of couples that have reached out to discuss their issues are not few and far between. They could be the couple sitting next to you at Mass. They could be your neighbor or your cousin. There are many couples that fall outside of the ideal. These are for them. 


Reasons to wear lingerie- 

  1. self-esteem or body image concerns

  2.  scarring after surgery or traumatic event

  3.  colostomy bag

  4.  sensory issues stemming from Autism Spectrum Disorder or OCD or others, etc.

MarriedDance: A Christian sex toy store

Reasons to use lubricant-

  1. Sensory issues

  2. Reduce the risk of urinary tract infection

  3. Reduces the risk of injury such as tearing

  4. Vaginal dryness

    1. Vaginal dryness can be caused by:

    2. Menopause

    3. Infertility

    4. Antidepressants

    5. Endometriosis medications

    6. Allergy medicine/antihistamines

    7. Breastfeeding

    8. Cancer treatment

    9. Diabetes

    10. Hysterectomy

    11. Dehydration

    12. Scented or perfumed soaps around your vagina

    13. Chronic yeast infections

Reasons to use a cockring-

  1. Newlywed/virgin in order to last long enough to attempt to please your new spouse

  2. Erectile dysfunction

    1. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by:

    2. Heart disease

    3. High cholesterol

    4. Diabetes

    5. Obesity

  3. Mental Health conditions such as depression or anxiety

Reasons to use a vibrator-

  1. Scientific evidence suggests that vibrators increase natural lubrication if you’re struggling with vaginal dryness

  2. Arthritis

  3. Sensory issues

  4. Trauma/sexual abuse

  5. Cerebral palsy

  6. Ataxia

  7. Delirium tremors

  8. Multiple sclerosis

  9. MSA

  10. Tardive dyskinesia

  11. Tourette’s Syndrome

  12. Paralysis

  13. Limb amputations and birth defects

Many of the conditions listed above affect your muscle control, meaning it would not be possible to sustain the speed and length of time needed with your hand/fingers for a woman to achieve orgasm.

Some of these conditions, depending on severity, might warrant complete or temporary abstinence; however, assuming that there is no permanent impotency prior to marriage, which would invalidate the marriage, these conditions are simply obstacles which can usually be overcome with the right techniques, tools, and/or therapy. 

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Megan Walther, LMSW

Mrs. Walther is from Nashville, TN but currently resides in St. Louis, MO with her husband. She received her Bachelor’s in Social Work from Trevecca Nazarene University and her Master’s in Social Work from Southern Adventist University with an emphasis in Trauma and Emergency Management. She has worked in various settings such as foster care, veterans treatment court, intensive outpatient adult case management, safe house for victims of human trafficking, homeless population, and intensive family intervention services. She currently works as a provisionally licensed Individual Trauma Therapist in Missouri and is the Director of Student Services and Registrar for a higher learning institution.

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