How Important is a Wife's Sexual Satisfaction?

Written By James Walther, MA, ABS

This should be obvious, but based on the statements of some online personalities, I think it bears stating. A wife’s sexual satisfaction is just as important as her husband’s, for they are equals in the marital act (Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, III Supp., q. 64, a. 5). 

Now some might be quick to say that for a complete marital act the man must orgasm. WRONG. The husband must ejaculate in the wife’s vagina for the marital act to be complete (Walther, 2022). Ejaculation and orgasm, however, are distinct events. Orgasm is the cerebral processing of pleasurable stimuli, while ejaculation is the emission of seminal fluid. It is possible to have one without the other (Gray et al., 2018). So for men and women both, orgasm is not necessary for the complete marital act from a moral standpoint. 

Now fortunately for most men orgasm, ejaculation, and sexual satisfaction coincide and thus we have reached a world population of over seven billion. For ladies, however, orgasming can be much more difficult and an orgasm may not be sufficient for a woman to reach sexual satisfaction, but that doesn’t take away from the importance of her satisfaction. In my professional experience, I have seen that many women have just given up on reaching sexual satisfaction. Once they give up achieving it their chances of doing so practically go to nill.

Ladies, if you have given up or are tempted to do so, seek help. Satisfying sex, without pain, shame, and frustration is possible. 

Men, do better. If your wife is rejecting your advances or seems to not enjoy sex as much as you do, stop getting frustrated and get help. I have seen so many men who are frustrated because their wives are resisting their advances, but these same men refuse to get help and fix the underlying problems. It may be that she is in pain, has trauma, is emotionally disconnected from you, or doesn’t know how to communicate her sexual needs and is getting frustrated. If that’s the case, then instead of drawing you two closer, sex is becoming a wedge in your marriage. These problems will not go away on their own, nor can you put the whole burden on her to fix them. Marriage is a shared yoke. Be her knight in shining armor. Get help for you both. 

If they wanted to, they would. Stop fencesitting. Start prioritizing your marriage and part of that is meeting each other’s sexual needs. You can do it. There are people who can help you. Go get the help you need today.

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James Walther, MA, ABS

James is a professional Catholic intimacy (relationship & sex) coach and theologian. He holds three degrees in theology from Holy Apostles College and Seminary and has done graduate studies in marriage and family therapy at Capella University. He is an EMT and ABS certified sexologist. His research interests include Catholic sexual ethics, the female orgasm, trauma, and the sacramentality of the minor orders. He is the translator of Yves Chiron’s Paul VI: The Divided Pope. He also serves in the Army National Guard.

https://linktr.ee/jamesbwalther
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