Making Love for the First Time: A Catholic Couple’s Guide

Introduction

Whether you’re preparing for your honeymoon or looking to refresh your marital intimacy, this guide is for you. Many Catholic couples enter marriage with excitement, love, and a deep desire to share their bodies with one another—but also with uncertainty about how to prepare for sex. It doesn’t need to be that way.

Sex is meant to be a sacred, life-giving, unifying, and pleasurable gift given by God to married couples. Yet, because Catholic teaching on sexuality is primarily focused on the moral aspect and secular sources tend to give a distorted, hedonistic view, many couples feel unprepared for the reality of sexual intimacy.

That’s why we created this guide—to help you:

• Mentally prepare for a fulfilling sexual experience.

• Understand how to make sex comfortable and enjoyable.

• Choose a few key items that can enhance your experience.

The goal is not perfection but connection. Whether this is your first time or you’re looking to renew intimacy in marriage, this guide will help you start (or restart) on the right foot and build a strong foundation.

1. Mental Preparation for Honeymoon Sex

Before thinking about the physical aspects, it’s important to prepare mentally and emotionally for sex. It’s a beautiful and holy part of marriage, but it’s also deeply personal, vulnerable, and sometimes awkward at first.

Understanding Expectations

A common mistake newlyweds make is expecting honeymoon sex to be effortless and cinematic. The truth? It may not be mind-blowing the first time—but that’s completely okay.

Sex is a learning process. It takes time to:

• Get comfortable with each other’s bodies.

• Figure out what feels good for both of you.

• Work through initial nerves or discomfort.

Some couples will have a seamless first experience, while others may need a few tries before things click. Both are normal. If you focus on connection over performance, you’ll build a strong, fulfilling sex life together.

Communicating Desires & Boundaries

Talking about sex before the wedding night is one of the best ways to set yourselves up for success.

Here are a few key questions to discuss:

• What are you excited about?

• Do you have any concerns or fears?

• How do you feel about trying new things over time?

Many couples struggle with knowing what they are comfortable with. If that’s you, our resource, Yes, No, Maybe: A Guide to Sexual Exploration for Catholic Married Couples, is a great tool to help you communicate your desires, boundaries, and curiosities in a healthy, faith-based way.

Building Emotional Intimacy

Great sex doesn’t start in the bedroom—it starts with emotional closeness. Before your honeymoon, focus on intimacy outside of sex:

• Physical affection such as hugging, kissing, and holding hands.

• Verbal affirmation through compliments and words of appreciation.

• Deep conversations about dreams, fears, and love languages.

Prayer can also strengthen your intimacy. Consider praying together, asking God to bless your marriage bed and guide you in loving one another well.

Realize that porn is not real life sex, it’s a performance. If you have learned all of your sex ed from porn then you are setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. To correct this, check out our course Sex Ed for Married Catholics which covers the biology, psychology, morals, and techniques necessary for a fulfilling, God-honoring sex life. It’s a great way to gain confidence and peace before your first time.

2. The First Time: A Gentle Approach

No matter what you’ve read, watched, heard, nothing fully prepares you for your first experience together. That’s why it’s important to approach it with patience, gentleness, and a sense of humor.

Foreplay is Essential

Many couples make the mistake of rushing into penetration too quickly. This can lead to:

• Discomfort for the wife.

• Performance anxiety for the husband.

• A less pleasurable experience for both.

Foreplay is not optional—it’s necessary. Spend time on:

• Kissing and touching.

• Massaging and exploring each other’s bodies.

• Gentle manual or oral stimulation.

When both partners feel relaxed and fully aroused, penetration will be easier and more pleasurable.

Choosing the Right Position

For the first time, missionary is a great starting point because it allows for:

• Closeness and eye contact.

• A natural, comfortable angle.

• Gentle movement and control.

If penetration feels difficult, placing a pillow under her hips or using a positioning aid like the Liberator Wedge can make things easier and more comfortable. Especially if you or your future spouse are larger, Liberator positioning device will give you more support than a pillow.

Why Try Without Marital Aids First?

Sexual aids (vibrators, penis rings, etc.) can enhance pleasure, but it’s best to start with just each other. Learning your natural responses first will build confidence in your connection before incorporating anything extra.

3. Addressing Common Concerns

Will It Hurt?

It really shouldn’t. Some women experience discomfort due to:

• Tension or nervousness.

• Insufficient lubrication.

• Natural tightness.

A few ways to reduce discomfort:

• Take it slow—don’t force anything.

• Use plenty of lubrication (see below!).

• Pause if needed—sex should never feel painful.

The best lube: Crisco

Most commercial lubricants contain chemicals that can cause irritation or disrupt vaginal health.

While speaking with a Catholic OB/GYN specializing in vaginal pain and disorders, I asked her what lubes she recommended. To my surprise, she promptly recommend Crisco. I was incredulous and asked about some of the more popular all-natural commercial lubes and she replied that she didn’t recommend any of them. Then she promptly pulled a tub of Crisco out of her lab coat and said that this was the only lubricant she recommended.

Why?

• Long-lasting and smooth (less reapplication needed than water-based lubes and less mess than most petroleum-based lubes).

• No harmful additives (safe for vaginal health).

• Affordable and accessible (available at any grocery store).

How to Use Crisco

• Scoop a generous amount—don’t be stingy.

• Apply it directly to the penis before penetration to reduce friction.

• Bonus tip: The bride can help with this step.

4. The Catholic Couple’s Starter Kit for Sex

Lingerie for Both Spouses

• For her: Find a beautiful set from Mentionables or Honoring Intimates. I would recommend a babydoll and thong set for your first time.

• For him: Both of the above stores offer classy silk boxers that you can’t go wrong with.

Other Essentials

• Lubrication: Crisco (OB/GYN recommended).

• Sex Throw: Liberator throw (for easy cleanup).

• Positioning Device: Liberator Wedge (for comfort).

• For Later: A basic vibrator and a set of penis rings (once you’ve learned what works naturally). You may want to go ahead and have them on hand for your honeymoon.

5. Final Thoughts & Conclusion

Sex in marriage is a journey—one that unfolds over time as you grow in trust, communication, and physical connection.

Connection, not perfection. That’s the foundation of a joyful, intimate, and fulfilling sex life in marriage.

For more resources, guidance, and coaching, visit Catholic Intimacy and explore our courses designed to help Catholic couples cultivate a thriving marital intimacy.