Erotic Lactation: Sexy or Strange?

Response to Blake

“My question is on the theme of breastfeeding (i.e., a husband orally drawing breast milk from his wife’s breasts). I have seen the act called “adult breastfeeding” and even “erotic lactation” on secular sites.”

— Blake

Dear Blake,

Thank you so much for your question. I have had clients touch on this in session and I have addressed it there, but since you took the time to write such a detailed comment, I feel it is only just to give a detailed reply.

In Christo Rege,
James

Blake’s comment is italicized and [my responses are underlined and in brackets.] I have emboldened key passages and I have added links for the reader’s convenience.

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Hi James,

First of all, thank you for the work you're doing here on the site. It's all great information that's not easily accessible (or at least not well-researched, well-presented, or with Catholic morality in mind) elsewhere. [Thank you! We try.]

My question is on the theme of breastfeeding (i.e., a husband orally drawing breast milk from his wife's breasts). I have seen the act called "adult breastfeeding" and even "erotic lactation" on secular sites. [e.g. Wikipedia] In framing the question, I have your article on incomplete sexual acts [Getting Frisky: Incomplete Sexual Acts] and your illustration "morality marksmanship" in mind [The Marital Act, Cardinal Rule and Pleasure Principles].

Am I correct in understanding that breastfeeding is in the realm of an incomplete sexual act and thereby in the same category as manual and oral stimulation of the genitals? [Yes, erotic breastfeeding of one’s spouse is in this same category.] If so, can breastfeeding ever be licit? [Yes, it CAN be licit, just as manual and oral stimulation can be licit when used as foreplay or afterplay to the complete marital act.] If it is licit in some instances but sinful in others, what factors would account for that difference (e.g., whether or not it's proximate or remote to the complete sexual act)? [The same conditions apply as to all incomplete acts. How proximate it needs to be to the complete marital act is dependent on how stimulating it is. A quick, passing suck while being playful with your wife is one thing, while deep, stimulating sucking causing heightened arousal for you or her (especially, if it causes her to orgasm) should be reserved for proximate preparation or recovery. See the links above.] (A Note: I'm assuming that the woman's milk supply is sufficient for nourishing her child(ren) such that the husband's breastfeeding does not endanger his child's health. I imagine there are cases when the woman's supply is sufficient only for the care of her child(ren). In those instances, it appears obvious that the sexual act in question would be sinful.) [You are correct. If the woman’s supply is insufficient for the needs of her child(ren), then a couple would have to refrain from this as the child has a right to this nourishment.]

My assumption is that breastfeeding as a feature of foreplay (i.e., proximate to the complete sexual act) is licit insofar as the Cardinal Rule is observed. [Yes, you are correct.] But I'm definitely open to correction or insight here.

I can see how your distinction (elsewhere in the comments) between acts "against nature" (contra naturam) and those that are "unnatural/not natural" could apply here. If I'm understanding the distinction correctly, it seems that breastfeeding could be considered "unnatual" but not "against nature" and thereby licit given the appropriate conditions. [I’ll break this down below.]

In any case, I appreciate your insight and will offer a prayer for the ongoing success of this project.

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Against Nature vs. Unnatural vs. Natural

Against Nature

So when we are talking about something being against nature (contra naturam), we are saying that that act is opposed to procreation, as sodomy proper (i.e. completed) is opposed to nature (Walther, 2022). For it to be contra naturam, it would have to be opposed to procreation. This would be the case if this erotic breastfeeding resulted in orgasm or ejaculation apart from the complete marital act. In this case, it would be a form of complete oral stimulation rather than foreplay or afterplay.

Unnatural

An unnatural thing would be any artificial thing (i.e. made by human intelligence or used other than for its natural purpose) that is used in the sexual act (e.g., a vibrator or lubricant). These things, as things, are moral instrumentally, meaning that their morality or immorality is not in themselves, but in how they are used. They are neutral in themselves. For example, lubricant used for homosexual sodomy is just lube, it neither adds nor subtracts from the inherently immoral act. That same lube used for a post-menopausal couple to complete the marital act is also just lube. In this case, we are talking about a specific act, not an instrument.

Sodomistic Affection, Kinks, Fetishes, and Paraphilic Disorders

Something that you did not mention, but is worth considering is what is known as “sodomistic affection,” or the immoderate desire for a sexual act over the complete marital act. This is the sort of thing that we see in someone who is suffering from a paraphilic disorder (Brown, 2023 - See reference for definition). Here it is worth distinguishing between kinks, fetishes, and paraphilic disorders (Weiss, 2017).

Working Definitions:

• Kink: “nontraditional sexual behaviors that people sometimes use to spice things up, but that they can take or leave depending on their partner, their mood, etc.”

• Fetish: “nontraditional sexual interests or behaviors (kinks) that are, for a particular individual, a deep and abiding (and possibly even necessary) element of sexual arousal and activity.”

• Paraphilia: “fetishes that have escalated in ways that have resulted in negative life consequences.”

So, while this probably falls into the kink range for most (although it would seem that about a third of men are interested in it), it could become immoderate (Curry, 2021). Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Natural

It remains to be seen if this act could be considered natural. Now, we know that the breasts serve a double purpose: nurturing and sexual.

Nurturing Purpose

So, we all know that female lactating breasts produce milk which is normally for nurturing infants and they are weaned off it for solid foods as they age. Now, infants are humans, so it would seem that while this food is primarily for them, it would also be consumable for other humans (Witkowska-Zimny et al., 2019). In this case, however, the milk is not desired for nutrition (although it would still presumably be nutritious), but rather for pleasure. So, in so far as breast milk is food, one would have to apply the principles of moderation to its consumption. So, it would seem that, although not the norm, it is natural (i.e. suited to their nature) for an adult to consume breast milk.

Sexual Purpose

Breasts are an erogenous zone for both the woman being stimulated through them and the man looking or touching them (Walther, 2024). Considering the words of Solomon, “Let thy vein be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth: Let her be thy dearest hind, and most agreeable fawn: let her breasts inebriate thee at all times; be thou delighted continually with her love” (Prov. 5:18-19 - DRB, emphasis added), it would seem that this pleasure is rightly ordered for spouses. While I would not go so far as to try to force an interpretation out of Scripture, it is interesting that the sacred author chose the word “inebriate” which implies drinking.

“Let her breasts inebriate thee at all times”

— Prov. 5:18-19 - DRB

So, while it may not be the most common of incomplete acts (thus making it a kink), I would say that erotic lactation is indeed natural (conformed to human nature).

Accidental Benefits of Erotic Breastfeeding

Aside from the pleasurable aspects of erotic breastfeeding, there are some practical reasons that on their own could be a reason for a wife to breastfeed her husband regardless of sexual pleasure. These include balancing out uneven breasts (babies can prefer one over the other), boosting the milk supply, and preventing/relieving plugged milk ducts and engorgement (Murray, 2024).

Contraindications

As always, this site is for theological and relational discussion. I am not giving health advice. Do or don’t do erotic breastfeeding at your own risk. For more information on reasons to not do it, please see this article.

References:

• Brown, G. R. (2023, July). Overview of paraphilias and paraphilic disorders. Merck Manual Professional Edition. https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/paraphilias-and-paraphilic-disorders/overview-of-paraphilias-and-paraphilic-disorders

  • “Paraphilic disorders are recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors that are distressing or disabling and that involve inanimate objects, children or nonconsenting adults, or suffering or humiliation of the person or a partner, with the potential to cause harm.”

• Curry, M. (2021, August 16). Why some people find breastmilk irresistibly sexy. Men’s Health. https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a37105749/adult-breastfeeding-erotic-lactation/

• Murray, D. (2024, August 22). Can you breastfeed your partner? Parents. https://www.parents.com/breastfeeding-your-husband-or-partner-8559325

• Walther, J. B. (2022, November 23). The moral permissibility of marital aids, oral and anal stimulation. Catholic Intimacy. https://www.catholicintimacy.com/journal/anal-oral-toys

• Walther, J. B. (2024, March 19). Exploring Erogenous Zones. Catholic Intimacy. https://www.catholicintimacy.com/journal/exploring-erogenous-zones

• Weiss, R. (2017, December 11). Kinks, fetishes, paraphilias: Definitions and treatment options. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/kinks-fetishes-paraphilias-treating-issues-with-non-traditional-sexuality

• Witkowska-Zimny, M., Kamińska-El-Hassan, E., & Wróbel, E. (2019). Milk therapy: Unexpected uses for human breast milk. Nutrients, 11(5), 944. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu11050944